28-11-01 ךיראתל ןוכדע - עובשה יקרפ טירסת

Todd: Yeah, you there? It's me.

Blair: Yes, I know who it is. I've been waiting by the phone ever since you walked out, Todd.

Todd: I -- I wanted to make sure that everything was set before I
called you, and now everything is set.

Blair: Where are you? Where are you calling from?

Todd: You know, it's -- it's -- it's kind of hard for me to explain
that right now.

Blair: Well, I need to know now. Are you -- are you in Llanview, or are
you even in Pennsylvania?

Todd: No. But I'll be there soon, and I got a big surprise for you.

Starr: Is that daddy? Where is he?

Blair: Shh. Starr, just --

Todd: Hey, is Starr there? Tell her I got her a surprise, too.

Blair: Look, Todd, no surprises, all right?

Todd: Yeah, but this one is --

Blair: No. Just what are you up to?

Todd: Well, I told you.

Blair: No, all you have told me is absolutely nothing. All I've been
doing is waiting by the phone, waiting to see what you're going to do next.

Todd: I fixed everything.

Blair: Todd, look, I know how you get when you are hurt or angry, and
this time you're both, and it scares me.

Todd: Blair, listen to me.

Blair: No, Todd, you listen to me.

Todd: Fine. Talk.

Blair: Look, I wanted to tell you this in person, but I'm probably never going to see you again.

Todd: Blair, hold on a second.

Blair: No -- Todd, look, I know what I did was horrible and I know that
it was wrong. Sam told me that it was wrong. I -- I should've told you
that you were a father right from the beginning. But if I'd just had the
courage to tell you the truth, then probably none of this ever would've
happened and maybe our baby would still be alive.

Todd: Are you done? Because I got something I got to say.

Blair: No, just let me finish what I have to say, all right?

Todd: Hurry up.

Blair: I tried to apologize to you before, but you were so angry that
you couldn't hear me, Todd, and -- well, now I thought, well, maybe some
time has passed that -- well, maybe that you could forgive me. I know that
you have a very, very big heart, Todd, and I know that you could forgive
me if you -- if you really tried.

Todd: All right, that thing you just said about my heart being -- you
just make sure that doesn't get around town, ok?

Blair: Todd -- I love you so much.

Starr: Is he going to forgive us?

Blair: I hope so.

Starr: Me, too.

Blair: Todd?

Todd: Yeah, I'm here.

Blair: Look, I know that this is really hard for you, but if you could
find it in your heart to forgive me just one more time -- our little boy
was on the earth for such a short amount of time, but he did bring us
together as a family and I think he brought us closer.

Todd: So you're saying that if there were a baby in the house that it
would bring us closer together?

Blair: Todd, I'm so sorry for what I did, and if I can do anything to
make it up to you, please, I will.

Todd: Listen to me. I've -- I've done something.

Blair: What?

Starr: Is he going to take me away, mommy?

Blair: What have you done, Todd?

Todd: It's about our child.

Starr: What's he saying, mommy? What's daddy doing?

Blair: Starr, why don't you go play with Ichabod and I will go get you.
I'll come tell you everything as soon as I get off the phone. Now, go, go, go.

Starr: Ok!

Blair: Todd? This about our child? Look, isn't -- isn't Starr enough
reason that we could try to figure all this out? I mean, just can't you
forgive me for Starr's sake?

Please?

Blair's voice: Isn't Starr reason enough for you to forgive me?

Todd's voice: Yes, yes, yes! I forgive you. I love you. We're all going
to live happily ever after, just like in the movies.

Blair's voice: Oh, I'm so happy!

Todd's voice: Me, too.

Starr's voice: Me, three!

Todd's voice: Never lie to me again.

Blair's voice: Cross my heart, as long as you never steal Starr away from me.

Todd's voice: Don't lie.

Blair's voice: Don't steal.

Todd's voice: Don't lie!

Blair's voice: Don't steal!

[Thunder]

Blair's voice: I can't trust you.

Todd's voice: I can't trust you.

[Thunder]

Todd's voice: Say good-bye forever, Starr. We're never coming back.

Starr's voice: Mommy!

Starr: No, daddy, no!

Blair: Can you forgive me?

Todd: Blair, the baby -- Starr: No, daddy, you can't!

Todd: Is alive.

Todd: Blair, are you there? Did you hear what I said?

Blair: Starr, what is the matter?

Starr: Daddy's going to take me away again, isn't he? And I'll never
see you again!

Blair: No, shh! You know, Todd, I thought that you could change, but I
guess I was wrong. Oh.

Starr: What did he say?

Blair: Your father's still very, very angry at me, Starr, about the baby.

Starr: But it wasn't your fault. The baby knows that.

Blair: Oh, baby, I know that.

Starr: What else?

Blair: He said that he's done something -- something about our child.

Starr: I knew it! I knew that he was going to take me away!

Blair: No, no, no, Starr. No, he is not. No one is ever going to ever
separate us. I promise you that.

Starr: Cross your heart?

Blair: Cross -- cross my heart and hope to die. No one is ever going to
separate us or come between us, no matter what daddy's done. You have my word, ok?

Todd: Here's the thing, ok? Don't tell anybody I said this, but I'm
sorry. I kind of screwed up. But when we get you home, all right, and
Blair will see that you're alive and squirming and making noises and that
-- that face. You know, you look like Starr. Oh, I got to warn you about
Starr. She's a little bossy, but, really, I -- I think you'll be able to
handle her. Mm-hmm. You know what? Let's get home, all right? And you talk
to Blair. Maybe she'll listen to you.

Buck: What's going on here? What are you doing with my boy?

Starr: Where is daddy?

Blair: I don't know, sweetheart. He's not in Llanview, so that gives us
some time to make some plans.

Starr: What's the plan?

Blair: You know what? I can't figure anything out if you're asking me
all kinds of questions. So why don't you just run up and do your homework, ok?

Starr: Mom, how can I do my homework when we have a crisis on our hands?

Blair: Well, when we have a crisis, that's when we do the things that
we have to do. And right now, you have to do your homework.

Starr: Can I do it down here? Ok.

Blair: Hey -- I love you. I love you so much.

Starr: Just figure it out.

Blair: What have you done, Todd? What is this big surprise? Ok. Ok.
I've got to figure out what Todd has done. I've got to think like Todd.
I've got to think, think, think like -- I know what he's done. Now I know
what I have to do.

Todd: I -- I heard this caterwauling, this terrible screeching -- otherworldly, really --

buck: Put the kid back in the crib and you get out.

Todd: No, I don't think I can do that.

Buck: Why the hell not?

Todd: Oh, watch your language.

Buck: He can't even hear yet!

Todd: A lot you know about parenting. Did I mention that I'm a doctor?

Buck: Did I mention that the door's right behind me?

Todd: Hey, I'm trying to save -- Jeeter, right? I'm trying to save
little Jeeter's life here.

Buck: What?

Todd: Yeah, I'm an allergist. And what you said downstairs about, you
know, him having a lemur allergy was a complete and utter and total
misdiagnosis. And -- and -- and -- you don't know what -- Jeeter could be
allergic to anything. Say, macadamia nuts. Who knows? You're going to have
to run a whole bunch of tests, a battery, a litany, if you will. And --
and this baby's really on thin ice.

Buck: What are you babbling about?

Todd: Look, I need to get Jeeter out of this environment because
there's something in this home that Jeeter's allergic to. So I need to get
Jeeter out of the home so that I can get him treatment. Really, you're
playing with fire. Time is money.

Buck: Did you see my weapons collection when you came in?

Todd: Yeah. Is that a real bazooka?

Buck: Yes, it is. And you take one step out of this room with that boy,
you're going to meet it up close and personal.

Blair: Ow. Starr! Come on down here now! Hurry up and bring Ichabod,
all right? Hurry up! Hurry up.

Starr: Mom.

Blair: Hmm?

Starr: Would you mind telling me why there's a suitcase?

Blair: Well, I -- I've packed a few things that we're going to be needing.

Starr: For what?

Blair: We are leaving, Starr.

Todd: Ok. I'm busted. I'm not really an allergist.

Buck: No kidding.

Todd: What I am, though, is a feng shui master.

Buck: You're a what master?

Todd: I'm a master of the ancient Chinese art of placement. Now, I
would be happy to rearrange your environment here -- for a modest fee, of course.

Buck: Bull.

Todd: No, really. A good room is a happy room, and a happy room is a
wealthy room. And this room really is none of the above. Now, little
Jeeter here is around some really bad feng shui, some bad chi. It's evil.
Now, I need to get Jeeter around some really good feng shui, so I'll just
be --

Buck: You can call it shung fway or anything else you want, but where I
come from we call it kidnapping. Now, you put my son back in the crib or
I'm calling the police.

Todd: He's not your son. He's my son.

Blair: We need to leave now, starr.

Starr: Why?

Blair: Why? Why? You know why, starr. You're as worried as i am that
daddy's going to come back and take you away.

Starr: Did he say he'd do that, mommy?

Blair: No, he -- he just sounded really strange on the phone. And I'll
tell you what -- he is still very angry at me for not telling him about the baby, honey.

Starr: I told you not to tell him!

Blair: I know that you did. I know that you did, and it's a little late
now, so i'll tell you what -- I'm really afraid that he's going to come
back soon. So we got to go someplace where he can't find us --

starr: No, mom! I'm not going anywhere without daddy!

Todd: Don't -- don't make this any harder than it needs to be, buck.

Buck: Put the baby --

todd: Just let me quietly leave with my son and I won't tell the police
about you buying him.

Buck: You are living in a fantasy world, son. Now, put the baby down.

Todd: Right. You say that you love -- jeeter. And if you do really love
him, then you're going to want him to be with his parents, right? His real
parents. Well, that would be me and the woman that actually gave birth to
him.

Buck: I said put him down.

[Baby cries]

todd: Wait, wait, wait. So you're -- shh. Hold on a second. You're
saying that you would try and hurt me while I got this baby in my arms?

Buck: If i have to.

Todd: Aren't you afraid that you would hurt it?

Buck: All I know is some whacked-out dude's trying to kidnap my boy.

Todd: Ok, he's not your boy! You know that! Shh.

Buck: I don't know anything of the kind. Now, listen, i don't know what
happened to your son. I'm sorry, it's a darn shame, but it's not my problem.

Todd: Yes, it is your problem.

Buck: No, it's not my problem. That is my boy.

My boy. My wife gave birth to him.

Todd: How do you know? You weren't there, remember?

Buck: Was your daddy there when you come howling and puking into the world?

Todd: Probably not.

Buck: Then maybe you're not his son.

Todd: Oh, from your lips to god -- what -- ok, don't -- don't -- stop changing the subject.

Buck: You are one serious nut case --

todd: Ok --

buck: You know that?

Todd: Answer this --

when, exactly, did you see this baby for the first time?

Buck: I'm not answering any more questions. Now, you put that baby back
in the crib, or I am going to get physical.

Blair: Ok, starr. You know what your daddy might do.

Starr: Take me away so I can never see you again.

Blair: And we don't want that, now, do we?

Starr: Well, I don't want you taking me away from daddy, either.

Blair: Well, I don't want to do that, sweetheart, but you know what? I
really don't have a choice, all right?

Starr: Think of something else!

Blair: Oh, starr, i don't have time for this right now. Now, we need to
get going before it's too late.

Starr: I'm not going anywhere!

[Blair groans]

blair: Ok. Don't you do this to me, starr. Don't do this.

Starr: Daddy made me go away without you. Now you're sounding exactly
like him!

Blair: Well, I -- I don't want to do that. Sweetie, i don't want toisk
losing you, either. I love you so, so much.

Starr: I missed you, mommy.

Blair: I missed you, too. It was the worst time in my entire life.

Starr: And I'm going to miss daddy, too.

Blair: Well, ok. Here's the deal. I'm going to promise you, cross my
heart, that i won't act like your daddy. I won't keep you away from him
because I know. I know how unhappy it would make you.

Starr: How can I be with him if i'm far away? We can't even tell him
where we are.

Blair: Well, I know. You kn whawe'll do? When we get to where we're
going, we'll call our lawyer.

Starr: We have a lawyer?

Blair: We have a lawyer. We have sam.

Starr: Yeah, I -- i remember now. I have everything.

Blair: Oh, yes. Yes, you do. You have everything. So, miss everything,
what we're going to do -- we'll call sam and he'll arrange it so you can
meet with your daddy in a safe place, ok? Ok? Here. So, we have a deal?
Can we go now? Come on? Yeah?

Todd: So are you saying, W., That you would risk hurting this kid in
order to keep this kid?

Buck: I am saying that i want to protect my boy from a kidnapper who
might hurt him worse.

Todd: Oh. I wouldn't hurt goober.

Buck: I don't know that.

Woman: I called the cops. They're on the way. Now, suppose you tell me
what's going on here with my little jeeter?

Todd: Ok, that -- that's not -- that's my son. You know that.

Woman: Is that so?

Todd: Yeah! I'm glad you're here. Tell him! That's it, game's over!
Tell him! Tell him that you didn't give birth to that kid!

Woman: You got that right. I sure as heck didn't give birth to this darling little boy.

 

Todd: Ha-ha! I knew it! I knew it. I knew you didn't give birth to that kid.

Woman: I certainly did not give birth to my brother buck's son.

Todd: You're the sister? Ew.

Woman: His gold digging slut of a wife swears she was in labor 36 hours with him.

Buck: Shut your mouth, missy.

Missy: I will not. I knew she was up to something.

Buck: You don't know anything, so you just stay out of this.

Todd: Ok, your brother here has a little case of the denials.

Buck: You, you just button it up. You don't have the baby to protect you now!

Missy: And where's the little wifey now? Out shopping again?

Buck: Yeah, so, what's that got to do with jeeter being our son?

Missy: It's got everything to do with it.

Buck: If i were you, I'd -- i'd get out of here before the cops --

todd: Oh, no, no, no, not yet. This oddly dressed woman has something
to say. I'm interested in hearing it.

Buck: Well, she's not going to say anything, not as long as you're here!

Missy: I don't care who's here, buck. I'm sick of watching that train
wreck you call a marriage. My brother's a fool for good-looking young
women. Fool enough to keep marrying them.

Buck: You got a big mouth, missy.

Missy: Yeah. Ain't it great? He wised up long enough to run this last
one off, but then she showed up six months later sporting this sweet
little baby, claiming that she already had a bun in the oven when she left.

Todd: Right, but that was just a story, right?

Missy: More like a fairy tale.

Buck: What are you saying about my son?

Todd: She's saying that the missis -- and not missy here, by the way --
but the missis was using this kid as a ticket back on your gravy train.

Buck: That's a load of bull!

Todd: No, it's not. This is my son. He's not yours. He's mine. And I've
got the d.N.A. To prove it.

Starr: You've made up your mind, haven't you? I can tell.

Blair: Starr, i really don't want to go, either, but we don't have a
choice. Either we go right now --

starr: And not see daddy ever again.

Blair: Or we stay and you risk never seeing me. So, which do you want? Hmm?

Starr: Ok, mom, i'll go with you.

Blair: Oh, thank you! Oh, sweet girl, thank you, thank you. Thank you!
You will not -- you won't be sorry, sweetie.

Buck: I don't believe in that d.N.A. Mumbo-jumbo.

Todd: Oh, really? You got the theory on whether or not the earth is round or flat?

Missy: He knows it's flat.

Buck: Now, knock it off, both of you! I don't have to prove to anybody
that jeeter's my son. I've got a birth certificate for him with my name on it.

Todd: You can forge a birth certificate.

Buck: Yeah, well, you can't forge the resemblance between me and my
boy. Just look at him. Look, he's the spitting image of me. Missy, you --
you saw the likeness. You told me, huh?

Missy: I was just being nice. Babies look like lyndon johnson.

Todd: Look, this baby -- this is my baby. Belongs to me and this other
woman named blair who looks a little like L.B.J. And there's this other
kid that we made, and her name is starr, and they -- well, they look
alike. I mean, they -- they both have ears.

Buck: All right, that's enough. That's it. Visiting hours are over. Get out.

Todd: Come on, listen to her, will you? Your wife was trying to pull one over on you.

Missy: She plays you like a fiddle, buck.

Todd: Your wife bought this baby from a guy named david vickers. He's
got weird hair, and he bought an off-the-rack dove gray suit, and he's a
real sleazeball. And he took the baby from me and my on-again, off-again,
on-again, off-again, off-again wife, blair. And, look, you have no right to keep him.

Buck: Oh, yeah?

Officer: Everything ok, buck?

Buck: Yes, it is, boys, now that you're here. I just caught this guy
trying to kidnap my new son. I want you to arrest him.

Blair: You have made the right decision by going with me. You're not going to be sorry.

Starr: I know.

Blair: That's my girl.

Starr: But there's only one thing -- oh, I think I forgot my rabbit fur
muff. Did you pack it?

Blair: That old ratty thing, starr? You don't need that.

Starr: Mommy, i love it. And it's all fluffy, just like a little bunny,
only dead. And you said that I could keep it forever.

Blair: Ok, ok, ok, ok, go get it, go get it.

Starr: Wait --

blair: Up in your room. Go, go, go.

Starr: It's in the closet on the top shelf.

Blair: What, this one?

Starr: Yes, that one.

Blair: Ah. On the top shelf?

Starr: Yep, top shelf.

Blair: I don't see it up here.

Starr: It's all the way up there. You got to really get in there.

Blair: All right. I still don't see it, sweetheart.

Starr: Go, go back.

Blair: You sure you want it?

Starr: It's a lot further than you are, mom.

Blair: Ok. I don't see it, starr. Starr! Starr!

Starr: Oh, no, mom. I think that the door locked on you.

Blair: Starr, open the door right now! Starr!

Todd: This is stupid, buck. You know i'm going to get out as soon as they do a d.N.A. Test.

Buck: They're not going to do any tests on my boy.

Todd: Yeah, well, I'll get a lawyer and make them.

Buck: Oh, really? Do you hear that, boys? The man who just tried to
kidnap my son is going to make me put some obscene test on my little boy.

Missy: It's a pretty simple test.

Buck: What are you, a doctor now? You just stay out of this, missy, you
know what's good for you.

Missy: Trouble is you don't know what's good for you.

Todd: Ok, I wasn't -- oh, boy. I wasn't trying to kidnap anybody. I was
just trying to rescue them.

Buck: You're the one who's going to need rescuing, boy. Everybody in
this town knows that jeeter's my son.

Todd: Yeah, well, everybody in this town is wrong, then. I'm going to prove it.

Buck: Oh, yeah? You hear that, boys? Everybody in this town is wrong,
and this clown's going to prove it.

Todd: Yeah, watch me.

Buck: Take him away. Get him out of here.

Todd: "Take him away"? What are you, sheriff cletus?

Buck: Let me tell you something, son. I just about own this town. So
even if you do get out of the hoosegow before jeeter graduates from texas
a&m, nobody's going to believe you.

Todd: Wait a minute! There's no way my son is ever going to grow up to be an aggie!

Buck: And he's going to have a heck of a lot more school spirit than
that! Get him out of here!

Todd: Hook 'em, horns.

Buck: "Hook 'em, horns"? I'll hook your horns, boy! And they got a heck of a marching band!